LGBT – never ending loop

This was written on paper while at my new volunteer position for the local LGBT Center. I’ve been a bit withdrawn and haven’t done much, online, gaming, chatting, or my blogs and apologize for that.

A lot has happened in the last month that has dramatically changed my life. Seems my life has been full of changes, but at least this one has a better ending or new beginning than the previous. The second week of July I was informed my position at work would no longer be available starting in August. At first I was fulled with bitterness and anger. Here I was, with a company I have given seven years, and I felt abandoned. My manager wasn’t tossing me, no, I was offered a transfer, but it still felt like all the praise I was given was false, and I wasn’t appreciated.

Here I was in life, at another fork in the road before me, and I took this as a sign that I needed something for myself, a change.

When my older brother took his life September, other than the first and one outreach of support from two friends, I was completely alone. No one called. No one asked how I was. No one stopped by. No one even sent a text or email. Not trying to be conceded or attention seeking, but that hurt.

I had no one, my younger brother wouldn’t even talk to me and he was down the hall. I know he needed to cope in his own way, and I myself didn’t reach out to him. But it was reflecting on all this, on my lack of a social circle, a community, a support system. I decided with this new development at work that I was going to build on me.

And so I quit.

Goodbye

I figured this was something my dad’s life insurance money was meant for. To better my life. He felt so alone at the end, as did my brother, and I guess I felt “damn if I was going to feel the same.” I still feel the same, the tears, and pain aren’t quick to go away, but I’m working on it.

Before I even quit I signed up for and attended a volunteer orientation for the local county’s LGBT Center. I have since been putting in time with my community, meeting some great and friendly people, having fun and really feeling appreciated. I have already received a certificate of recognition, and have been invited to several events. I’ve been exposed to things I never had an interest in, such as art gallery openings, a tattoo fundraiser, and general loud music and booze. It’s been fun, and I am grateful to be expanding on my experience in life.

Not sure my dad could relate to the need and desire to have a social circle, especially one with LGBT, but obviously his way of living didn’t work out for him, and it’s been depressing me for years. So here’s hoping for the best, and at the worst it’ll make for an adventure.

<<Entry Five Entry Seven>>

Seeing as June is suppose to be in support of the LGBT community, and allows me to have several books available at a discount or even free in celebration of this, I have decided to give a small review for a recent book I have read that hits on the genre.

Signs adds more than just the difficultly strong, young teenagers have at discovering who they are, and finding out who their real friends in life are. As the title alludes to, the main character is deaf. I have a strong support for the deaf community, as I grew up in a city that has a large population for the deaf, along with schools, and college. Though I no longer live in the city, I still commute there for work. Because of this, I have picked up on a little sign-language and was drawn into the book due to my curiosity.

I do love how Anna Martin shows the struggles the two characters have in communicating feelings, and how awkward it is when they first meet in person. I say in person, because with modern technology the two main characters met in the now typical fashion of social media via online.

Luc is a “goth” kid that doesn’t really see himself immersed with all the “goth” kids, and Caleb feels shunned from the outside world as well as the deaf community because he finds it difficult to express himself properly. Anna Martin tends to focus mainly on both character’s struggles with their social circles, and the disability of communication, and less on the acceptance and struggle of being gay. Part of me appreciates that the author dismissed, or at least didn’t emphasis, the lash-back teens face, or potentially face, in today’s world from being open on their sexuality. And part of me was disappointed. Of course, the book already had so much hardship and struggle with dealing with Caleb’s hearing loss, I can understand the author, and perhaps reader, being overwhelmed with any addition drama.

Books like “Signs” I appreciate because it consecrates on the characters more than the fantasy or sex many LGBT books seem to focus on. There’s a plethora of raunchy romance books that hit on the same genre, but few that really come with a deeper meaning.

However, I do enjoy my fantasy, as can be seen from own fantasy writing. And though I do not write, currently, for the LGBT community, I would like to pass on another book of interest. For the even of June, and the LGBT awareness for this month, many authors have written books free to read and download. One I am looking forward to, which is a Vampire novel, is Alex’s Surprise. Currently it is 99cents, due to Amazon not having it be free until it’s official release date. So feel free to join me on checking it out, and use this month as an excuse to get out of your comfort zone if you haven’t read this style before.